The first time we have sex with a new partner can be incredibly exciting. There’s the exhilaration of the unknown, the delight of discovering the hidden sweet spots and distinct turn-ons and kinks. But it can also be incredibly nerve-wracking. Will you be sexually compatible? Will they be into the same bedroom fun as you? And can you make that first time explosive without being too aggressive too fast?
Tanya Tate, an award winning performer and director says that even the professionals don’t try to go for all the bells and whistles the first time out of the gate. “Do porn stars show off on the first time they hook up for sex with someone? Personally I prefer more intimate positions, even though if someone has watched my movies they know I am capable of doing a whole load of wild things,” Tate says. “When it’s the first time, they don’t get the whole show. I make them work for it; it gives them something to want to come back for. I want to feel the chemistry and let sex take its natural course as opposed to “acting” like a porn star in the bedroom,” Tate says.
“We tend to be in our heads, creating stories about ourselves and our partner. Judging and criticizing is not sexy. When we overanalyze each other and ourselves, we lose excitement and pleasure. We can enjoy every moment if we just tune into our bodies, let go and have fun,” says Tatiana Dellepiane, a sex and relationship coach and creator of the Sensual Awakening Movement. When engaging in foreplay or sex, let go of the expectation of coming or making her come, says Dellepiane. “When you let go of agenda, you can relax into the experience and feel more pleasure. It also helps her to feel safe and to know that you are not giving in order to get,” Dellepiane says.